Cola

It appears I may have been too hasty in blaming my cooking for my ill health.  After twice experiencing a burning sensation in my stomach I have given up coke cola and substituted it for flavoured milk and yoghurt.  As a consequence I'm feeling much better.  My guess is the local cola has a very high level of phosphoric acid and I may have done some damage to my stomach lining.  The milk and yoghurt are alkaline which might just be reversing the process.  A long term likely replacement for the cola is sparkling apple juice which is known locally as Saudi Champagne!  The strawberry flavoured non alcoholic beer can stay on the shelf!

Boredom set in yesterday so I took the free compound bus to the nearby Carrefour supermarket in Khurais Road where I bought another £20 7" android colour tablet

It's the same tablet that I bought two weeks ago from another Carrefour supermarket.  However this is an XTouch whilst the first tablet is a Nikai.  They are EXACTLY the same tablet but with different splash screens and labelling.  I haggled them into providing a case.  The interesting part was the payment system.

After attracting the attention of a saleman (difficult - note there are no sales ladies) and confirming the price,  he went off to a computer terminal and printed a docket.  Then he signed and stamped the docket. I then had to go to go and queue at a cashier where I presented my docket.  He placed it into a machine which printed some further information on the docket before taking my cash.  The cashier then signed the docket and stamped all four copies before returning the docket to me along with my change.  I then had to walk around the supermarket until I found the "Collection Point" counter.  This was staffed by two men.  One took my docket and went off to get the tablet.  On his return he stamped all four copies and then gave the tablet and docket to his colleague.  He checked the docket and tablet before also stamping all four copies of the docket.  I was then given the tablet and the top copy of the docket.  At the supermarket exit I had to show the tablet to the security guard who then stamped my docket for the last time.

What a great way to create employment.  five people involved in selling me an item.  I assume they learned this off the USSR!  The only Saudi who was involved in this process was the cashier.  I've noticed Saudi's are prepared to be a cashier, checkout chick or receptionist, but the actual working involved in sales, storage and security is done by an expat.  One the sales front they are usually Filipino, Malay or Indonesian whilst the security guard is normally from Africa.

Of course the docket has now gone in the rubbish!

Saudi Arabia must almost be the fast food capital of the world.  I've never seen so many well patronised outlets.  MacDonald's must make the bulk of its profits from Saudi Arabia.

Baskin Robbins is an ice cream parlour and you find outlets everywhere.

At least this fish and chip outlet was open.  But I abstained!

Perhaps you don't know what H&M looks like when written in Arabic

Now look at the NEXT store and it might be clearer

Remember Arabic is written from right to left.  So can you now make out the word NEXT from the Arabic when reading it from right to left........  No... Neither could I! :-)

All these malls are now looking very similar

The usual childrens play area at one end and the food hall at the other.  The only think that gives the building a slightly Islamic feeling is the ceiling where the skylights are made in a mosaic glass pattern.  Damned photo was blurred!

That Fish Pie

After feeling somewhat queezy yesterday I took a good look at the fish pie.  Even with my poor sense of smell and limited eyesight it appeared to be "a little off" and I reluctantly disposed of my next three meals.  The last portion of the frozen lasagna was crying out for attention.

I know...the photo is out of focus!

I've already forced myself to eat the previous three portions and whilst it doesn't smell that bad, I'm not overly fond of the green layer.  It tastes like finely cut lawn clippings.  My willpower wilted and I opted for the cheese and mushroom pizza.  I'm now four dinners short and will either have have to get more entrepreneurial with my culinary skills or do the weekly four-three diet.  This diet is based on thinking about food for four days and then gorging yourself for the following three!  One thing is for certain, I won't be buying any more of this frozen lasagna.  It came as a frozen brick. All I had available to cut it into portions was a cheap bread knife.  The knife wasn't up to the task, but eventually I managed to break up shatter the brick by repeatedly smashing it against any hard and sharp edge in the kitchen.  Now I'll have to explain the dents in the top lip of the stainless sink.

In the pantry there is a tin of Texas Strawberries, 2kg of flour and a dozen eggs.  I should be OK.  However my work colleagues might have a different opinion!  If I get really desperate I can walk to the local supermarket and buy fresh camel or goat.

 

Jewellery

I appear to have poisoned myself for a second time.  Yes, my culinary skills are obviously in need of improvement.  Or perhaps these days my stomach isn't as "cast iron" as in my youth!  The fish pie will have to be thrown out.  That's a nuisance because I was planning on eating the remains over the next three dinners (lazy cook syndrome).  As a boy my parents made me eat everything on my plate telling me "Think of the starving in Africa".  At times I wanted to send the food to Africa.  My parents loved broad beans and brussel sprouts.  I hate them!  You wouldn't believe how difficult it was to find and marry a girl who also hated broad beans and brussel sprouts. One consequence of this forced feeding regime is I hate wasting food!
No doubt I will have recovered my appetite by tonight and the the last of the frozen lasagna awaits dinner.  It's also looking slightly "tired" and the thought of the defrosted and coagulated lawn clippings isn't that appealing! Still, should I get desperate there is a half bag of chips in the freezer and pizza in the fridge. <burp>

Manuel the cleaner has finally made it to my office.  I've only been here four months!  He leisurely and haphazardly breast fed a small broom around the floor managing to push most of the dirt into the corners.  Then with a beaming smile he left.  I assume leaving the dirt ensures continued employment.  No doubt he will return in four months for a second attempt!

The office phone finally works.  But on my first attempted use there were no free lines.  It's one of those fancy new all singing and dancing phones that can do almost anything.... except cook fish pie!  Of course there was no accompanying user manual.  No doubt they have been carefully stored somewhere for future use and that location has been long forgotten.  Nevermind, after 30 minutes I discovered how to get an outside line.  There's no point in me making a local call as I don't speak Arabic.  But I do need to make several overseas calls to potential suppliers.  Each time I attempted to make a call a man would attempt to tell me something in Arabic.  Eventually I realised there is a bar on the phone making overseas calls.  It's as useful as a chocolate teapot.

One thing I noticed about the Middle East is that males were almost no jewellery.  I've never seen a male wear a chain around their neck.  However wearing a "clunky" looking ring (often made of silver or pewter)  with a large semi-precious stone (green opal?) appears fashionable.  Women do wear necklaces (most of them under the black abaya.  The jewellery shops are always full of locals so I can only assume the females have jewellery parties on alternate days to their dress parties!

I had been wondering how the men prevent their fundamentals from freezing when the cold wind off the desert races up their Thobe.  Then I noticed the white ends of a pair of woollen "long johns" around my drivers ankles.  They cheat!

Translation

This roughly follows on from yesterday's post

During a visit to Beijing a friend was given this brochure by the hotel.

Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
 Getting There: 
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests. 
  
The Hotel: 
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self. 
  
The Restaurant: 
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you. 
  
Your Room: 
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts. 
  
Bed: 
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers. 
  
Above All: 
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

One in the eye

My driver didn't collect me yesterday morning which had me slightly concerned he might have been involved in an accident.  Eventually another driver arrived making me only a few minutes late for work.  I went downstairs at the end of the day to find my usual driver waiting.  He then turned to look at me and I immediately noticed his very red and weeping left eye.  I think he has been poked in the eye over the weekend.  Despite his injury he managed to deliver me safely home and was then waiting for me at the usual time this morning.

The roadworks here are starting to become dreadful.  Heaven knows what the situation will be like when they start building the new metro train system.  There seems to be a habit of digging holes and then not filling them in after the work has been completed.  At one point on the journey there is a stretch where they have deep excavations on both sides of the road.  Moreover they are separate projects.  Even worse; further back they are starting to excavate a stretch of road that was only recently filled and sealed.

Of course all the excavating has created a traffic choke point.  Saudi Arabian drivers don't like choke points.

So here we are approaching the excavations where the road narrows from four lanes to two.  In anticipation  the traffic has already started to form eight lanes, with even more vehicles coming down the verge on the right to squeeze across.

Of course the traffic gets into a snarl to the musical accompaniment of many car horns.  The traffic gradually squeezes itself into two lanes in 'fits & starts'.

Further along we hit our third stretch of excavations.  This time it's for a new sewer main.

This last portion always amuses me.

Note the large sign in English "Tour Suites".  It should probably read "Holiday Apartments".  But these things happen when you use Google Translate :-).  No doubt the Arabic is correct!  Obviously you noticed the excavation out the front!

Price of Petrol

On one of my recent road trips we had to stop for fuel and whilst seated at the service station I managed to take a photo of the bowser.

0.45 Riyals per litre.  That’s slightly less than 7 pence or 15 cents Australian.

Now consider the Saudi’s have to extract, refine, transport and resell it for a profit.  Yet it only costs 6p?  How can the price of petrol cost approx. £1.36 or A$1.34?   It can’t be the additional cost of transporting it.

Local Time

Something was said to me yesterday by one of my local colleagues which reminded me of a conversation I'd had the previous week with an expat who has been here 7 years.

I was discussing training with my local colleague when he mentioned I shouldn't program any training to last longer than two hours each day.  He must have noticed my puzzled expression because he then attempted to expand and explain his original comment.  His English is better than my Arabic, but we did grapple with the meaning for several minutes until I realised he was trying to tell me that the locals don't have a very long attention span.  If we plan a working day longer than 2 hours the students will either loose interest; fall asleep, or wander off!

Then I remembered the earlier comments from the expat who works for a government department.  He told me the average Saudi isn't motivated and if he has to work then he wants a government clerical job.  The pay isn't as good as the private sector, but the hours you have to be at work are 8.00am to 1.30pm.  Moreover it's almost impossible to dismiss a public servant.  He went on to tell me the national telecommunications network struggles under the daily YouTube load! :-)

Apparently his office has now been fitted with a fingerprint recognition entrance/exit system.  If you arrive late; leave early; leave during business hours; the system automatically generates an email to you and your boss requiring you to explain your actions.  Of course the Saudi's can't be dismissed so they aren't worried.  It's the expats who are affected.

Another expat was telling me their office lighting is fitted with motion detectors as part of energy saving.  The lights turn off after 30 minutes without motion.  This includes the individual office lights.  Apparently he returned to work after an external meeting to find the building in darkness with the sound of many chainsaws running.  When he entered the main corridor the lights came on and that is when he noticed all the Saudi staff collapsed across their desks asleep.  He even managed to show me a photo!

The Saudi government has probably the highest expenditure on education per head of population of any country in the world.  But I do wonder how they are going to resolve the motivation issue?